My husband has once again taken the children to his parents for the week-end giving me that much needed space for a couple of days.

As much as I love all of them, I feel the need from time to time to be on my own. As the day of their going away approaches I can feel myself becoming eager for them to be gone. I want my free time. I know I will miss them and I do miss them but that “me” time is invaluable. It starts as they go away, I, suddenly, have nobody asking anything of me. Everything is quiet. I can hear the neighbours, the cars in the street. The tv is off and no elephants are going up and down the stairs.

I sit down, not knowing where or what to start with. I have no agenda, no plans, nobody to feed. I am free. So I do nothing. I don’t cook, don’t tidy, do put a wash on. It is heaven. I wonder if I should go for a walk or go shopping or go to a museum but no I stay in my quiet home and sit. I even find myself channel surfing. I hardly ever get to sit in front of the tv. I have full control of the remote and the choice is mine. A couple of hours go by and I am hungry. That surprises me. I don’t normally have time to be hungry as I am continuously reminded that child 1, 2 or 3 needs food. I sort out something quick and go back to doing what I want. It is a strange feeling. I am so used to having to think of others first that having just me to think off is odd. At the end of the evening, much later than usually I go to bed knowing that I will not be awaken by my smallest child at dawn asking for his breakfast. I manage to stay in bed until my stomach reminds me that I need to be fed too. By that time I have been on my own for less than 24 hours and I am still amazed by how little time I normally have to do what I want.

By day 2 I start thinking of what I will need to cook for their return. I start longing for my family to be back. Peace and quiet are not welcome anymore. I need my familiar chaos around me. I need to be needed. I want my teenagers to ignore me unless they want something. I want my little one to give me his best smile and ask me what and when he can eat next. They have been gone for 48 hours and I want them back.

Human nature is such that one always desire what one cannot have. Surrounded by chaos I want peace and quiet, left in peace and quiet I long for my familiar chaos and demands.